Sobriety
by Kiki242
Summary: Thea catches Laurel in a moment of slight doubt


"Laurel, what are you doing?" Thea questioned, her voice having a certain hard edge to it. It was enough to jolt Laurel from her broody musings and make her look towards the entrance of her- _their_ apartment. It was still something that took some time getting used to, not being alone when she came home.

"I'm just thinking", Laurel answered softly, before turning her attention back to the object that sat on the coffee table. She could see her reflection slightly in the bottle and sighed at what she saw, someone she hasn't been able to recognize in years.

"It would probably be better to think without that thing sitting in front of your face", Thea said, pointing to the unopened bottle of wine as though it were a dangerous weapon. In Laurel's case, it was the best self-destructive weapon around.

Laurel's face became decorated with a tight, lightless smile, "don't worry. I'm not going to drink it, I'm not planning to at least",

Thea did feel a small sense of relief wash over her at that but it didn't make her feel any more comfortable with Laurel sitting so closely to temptation. So, she took it upon herself to get rid of it. Living up to her nickname, Thea quickly moved across from the living room entrance and to the coffee table picking up the bottle. She didn't even spare the desolate lawyer any mind as she went to the kitchen and poured the contents down the drain. She then went back to the living room and sat on the coffee table, placing herself directly across from Laurel.

"Rather than looking down the barrel of a gun, you could always come and talk to me. You know that, don't you?" Speedy questioned softly. She had to bend her head some in order to meet Laurel's downcast eyes that were fixed upon the carpet.

Laurel didn't respond at first, but rather let out an elongated sigh. "There are a few times when I ask myself is it worth it",

Thea was momentarily confused before it dawned on her what Laurel was referring to, and as realization came to her, Thea was taken aback that Laurel would question such a thing. "Of course it is, Laurel. If it wasn't then you would have opened that bottle by now",

"Thea", Laurel began before stopping midsentence. She let out another long sigh and seemed to be gathering her thoughts. Her mouth formed in a grim, tight line and made Thea feel very apprehensive about what she was going to say next. "Drinking and pills didn't make the hole go away and neither does being sober," she finally said after a long stretch of silence, "and I would be lying if I said that I don't miss being numb to it all"

That made Thea's worries confirmed. That Laurel was dealing with a problem that couldn't be poofed away with words of encouragement, something that wasn't tangible or real. Because there was no guarantees that whatever problem that Laurel was dealing with was going to get better or when she got passed this hurdle something else was going to be around the corner to knock her down again. Thea wasn't naïve and she herself had faced too much to believe it was going to get better or give Laurel some false hope that was going to only end up making it worse in the end. Because there was a possibility of the "hole" the laurel was talking about was never going to go away or worse get deeper.

"Laurel", she began quietly and softly, "I know that I can't make any promises that life is going to get easier or better. You and I have been through too much for me to lie like that but I promise you that being numb to it all will make it worse. A relapse is nothing but road straight to hell,"

Laurel slowly nodded in agreement, "I know. That's why I knew that I wasn't going to open that bottle because I know the consequences. But I am also aware of the little release that bottle can give and sometimes that temptation is everything", Laurel explained, "I know that it could destroy me but sometimes I think it might just be worth it if I can't feel anything",

"It isn't," Thea said quickly. "I know that for a fact because I saw how it changed you and turned you into someone I could barely even recognize. You're too beautiful of a person to drown and I care about you too much to allow it",

The unconvincing look that passed over Laurel's features made Thea's stomach tie in knots. The lawyer looked back down to the ground with her jaw shifting slightly. Deep down and if Laurel was completely honest with herself she didn't believe what Thea said to be true. Keeping her sobriety came down to finding it within herself to shake off those moments of doubt, no matter their magnitude and not about her worth. It was about simply staying afloat because drowning was worse, even if it was in a muffled bubble. But she didn't voice that to the young woman she had long since come to see as a sister. "In the end, all that matters is that I don't give in to the doubts and temptation. But I thank you for the extra confirmation,"

Thea gave her a small smile, one that didn't reach her eyes because she knew that Laurel had completely brushed off the last of what she said. But knowing Laurel didn't have any plans to relapse was a huge relief in itself.


End file.
